


I don't have friends

by sixthofjune



Category: Korean Actor RPF
Genre: Male Friendship, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-22
Updated: 2015-05-22
Packaged: 2018-03-31 16:57:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3985783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sixthofjune/pseuds/sixthofjune
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Woobin doesn't like the feeling whenever he sees Jongsuk say he has no friends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I don't have friends

"But I don't have friends." Among of the entire page of words, Woobin couldn't help but have his eyes fixed on that line. It was just so jarring and right in his face that he couldn't stop looking at it. It annoyed him. It was a sentence which he had seen and heard many times from Jongsuk's interviews, but even then, each time he saw it, it pricked his heart a little. It was a stuffy feeling that he really didn't like.  
  
To him, Jongsuk was someone he couldn't help but want to take care of - and while he couldn't exactly put it in words and describe it, Jongsuk really had a special place in his heart, though it isn't necessarily in the romantic sense. It could be as a friend, or maybe as family, it didn't matter. Whatever it was, Woobin had really wanted to be a friend to his friend, to ensure that he is always going to be in good shape.He had always felt that Jongsuk's aegyo was a cover for his inner insecurities and fear of facing the rest of the world, which Woobin had clearly caught a glimpse of during the times they worked together. He also clearly understood the kind of stress that Jongsuk gives to himself, and he had always thought that one day Jongsuk might really get crushed by the stress he gives himself. And Woobin wasn't going to allow that to happen. For as much as possible, he wanted to protect Jongsuk and give him as much support as he could.  
  
It was difficult though, especially when Jongsuk protects himself all so carefully, not really allowing anyone to break past the wall which he had built around himself. Woobin knew that Jongsuk would isolate himself as much as he could, that he was scared of getting close to people only to have them drift apart. He had always wondered if that was something to do with whatever happened between him and Jonghyun - but that is a story for another time.   
  


 

  
_"I would wish to meet someone I can fall in love with, and on the condition that I can be together with her forever. What if I love someone so much,but she will leave me someday? That sounds awful."_  
\- 2014 October, Ceci

  
  
  
So when Woobin managed to break past the protective wall back in 2013, he had made sure to be by Jongsuk's side as much as possible and providing him with the greatest support he can give. But as time passed and they both got busy, it was inevitable that they drifted apart. The both of them knew that it was inevitable given the circumstances they were in, and there was nothing to whine about. But the feeling of having to drift apart from someone so close wasn't good, and Jongsuk hated it, which all made sense since it really wasn't easy for anyone to even get close to him in the first place.  
  
But even as they both got busy, Woobin had made sure to check on Jongsuk as much as he can. He wanted Jongsuk to know that he was still there for him, even if they couldn't meet often. He could tell though, that Jongsuk was afraid and scared of getting over-reliant on him. Jongsuk was wary of it all, and Woobin guessed that whenever Jongsuk said that he didn't have friends, it was Jongsuk's own way to convince himself that he was alone so that he wouldn't feel upset when friendships eventually fade, because if he /never/ had that friendship, he wasn't losing anything.  
  
Woobin understood that it was probably Jongsuk's own protective mechanism, and that he probably didn't mean that he had no friends in the literal way. He also knew that Jongsuk did treasure their friendship as much as he did, even if Jongsuk refused to admit it. But each time he saw something like this, he couldn't help but hurt a little on the inside. He couldn't help but wonder if he wasn't doing enough for his friend that he is still worried like that, and sometimes, he would wonder if it was his own wishful thinking all along.  
  
Woobin was human too. He too would get tired from trying. And when he sees Jongsuk say something like this, he sometimes felt like whatever he was doing was in vain. He sometimes also needed to be acknowledged, for him to know that he was doing something right. It was an annoying thought that kept nagging at him as he read Jongsuk's latest piece of interview.   


 

  
**"Why don't you go out to meet your friends?"**  
" _I want to do it too,_ b _ut I don't have friends."_  
\- 2015 May, Allure Korea

  
  
Woobin knew what Jongsuk was saying was that he didn't have friends he could hang out with as and when he wanted, and not that he didn't have friends at all. Woobin understood that that wasn't something he could promise either since he did have his own work and schedules, and that technically Jongsuk probably was right since most of his friends would have schedules too. It was something that they should have gotten used to in that industry. But still, the fact that Jongsuk said that he didn't have friends made him feel really stuffy.  
  
And there are some days where you start feeling bad about something, and you subsequently get annoyed at everything else that happened -- and this was one of those days.  
  
He started feeling annoyed that although Jongsuk said that he didn't have friends to hang out with, it was only once or twice that he called Woobin to ask if he could hang out - and it just happened that Woobin was busy then, and Jongsuk probably gave up after that. And he got annoyed that there were times when he would ask Jongsuk out too when he met up with Youngkwang and Sungjoon, but he would refuse - although Woobin could understand his reasons for that too, but when you are feeling annoyed, you just feel annoyed even if you understood the reason.  
  
Then, the annoyance became exhaustion. He knew that it wasn't time for him to let go yet, but he was tired and it was times like this that he needed assurance that he was on the right track. And of course, the best assurance and strength would come from the person who was causing all of this. It wasn't like him to do this, but at times like this when you just can't think properly, you tend to do things that are not like you.  
  
"Are we friends?" Woobin typed a quick message.  
  
He wasn't expecting such an immediate reply, but it came. "Huh?"  
  
  
"You said you had no friends. Am I not one?"   
  
  
"Is that what it sounds like?"  
"I don't mean it that way."  
"I thought you knew better."  
"Apparently not."

  


"Yes, that's exactly what it sounds like."  
"I thought I knew too, but maybe I was wrong?"  
"Am I a friend, or am I not?"  
  
  
"Aigoo...is our Woobinie upset?"  
"You're dumb."  
  
  
It was a simple question with a simple answer. But Jongsuk wasn't giving that simple answer that Woobin needed. It was just his protective mechanism that was in place though, because if he had a friend, then he risked losing a friend, and he didn't want that. So while it was a simple answer, it required quite a bit of coaxing before Jongsuk would say it.  
  
"Well, it /is/ upsetting to read, you know."  
"Yah, just give me an answer."  
  
  
"You know the answer."  
  
  
"No I don't"  
  
  
"You're my favourite friend, dumb."  
"But I didn't say anything wrong."  
"I really don't have friends to hang out with."  
  
Woobin got the answer he needed, that was enough.  
  
"Who is the dumb one?"  
"You don't have friends to hang out with because you never ever ask."  
  
  
"I did! But you were busy"  
  
  
"Yeah you did, once. Or twice."  
  
  
"Thrice."  
"And you were busy all three times."  
  
  
"That doesn't mean you should stop asking."  
"I didn't stop asking just because you were busy!"  
  
  
"I don't want to be annoying."  
  
  
"So you are saying I'm annoying huh?"  
  
  
"Ooops, that obvious?"  
  
  
"Whatever. It's more annoying that you are not even asking."  
  
  
"Oh..."  
  
  
"Dumb, the next time you do an interview, don't say you don't have friends anymore."  
"I AM a friend."

***

  
"Why don't you hang out with your friends?" Yeah, reporters are  _always_  asking the same question.  
  
"My friends will be upset if I say I don't have friends, but...there really isn't anyone I can hang out with."   
  
Woobin looked at Jongsuk's latest interview and rolled his eyes, muttering, "Because you still don't ask."


End file.
